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The 'Two Cows' Theory Of Economics A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. A REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? You claim it's the fault of gay marriage, and condemn queers. A DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. A FASCIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. A visitor to your ranch hurts himself, his attorney sues you, and the court gives the visitor all of your cows and your ranch. You go on welfare and vote Democrat (see above). BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you feel you should have three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You are angry they do not produce enough milk. You declare war and invade Poland. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows and have no idea where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A MEXICAN CORPORATION You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge their owners for storage. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.

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