How to Shower Like a Woman
- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups.
- Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
- Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
- Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
- Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair.
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
- Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
- Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
How to Shower Like a Man
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
- Get in the shower.
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
- Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
- Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
- Shampoo your hair.
- Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
- Rinse off and get out of shower.
- Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
- Admire wiener size in mirror again.
- Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
- Throw wet towel on bed.